It fascinates me that as much as I have read and listened to other parents and mentors talk about the Why behind my child’s behavior, knowing doesn’t easily combat the whining.
These days we are having complaints about fairness. She doesn’t know the word “fair” in English, but her complaints basically amount to “it’s not fair!”
I keep wondering why she is acting out this particular way. Does she worry that if she didn’t get exactly the same amount of ice cream as me or play video games the exact same amount of time, that she’s not loved? Does she worry that if she doesn’t max out whatever activity or food that she will never get it again?
And how do you address this? Does it go away in time when she learns to trust us? Do you teach her that life is not fair? Seems she should already know that lesson from all the time she’s spent living in an orphanage. Maybe this is her attempt at making sure that life is fair again.
We do teach our child that life isn’t fair, but we also teach that fair doesn’t mean identical, if that makes sense. That being said. Our daughter does not have your daughter’s background. I think filling, what a friend of mine refers to as a child’s Love Bucket is the most pressing concern for where you and she are right now.
It must be hard to teach security to anyone who feels insecure. I often felt insecurity as a child and indeed over 50 years later still have flashbacks to that same feeling. Although in saying that I learned that fair is not necessarily equal and identical! I should think that all you can do is pray hard and continue to pour out your love and acceptance, trusting that God will work the miracle you desire.
You might ask her what she would consider “fair”. With my kids we did do a lot of negotiating and they became very good at it … even with each other.